What must it feel like to live in a Ghibli movie?
I used to wonder about that until the night of May 9, 2025. There I was, standing in Yahnaikaduh, in the forests of Kodaikanal, amidst a group of twenty or so lovely human beings – most of whom were strangers to me until a train journey ago – listening to the gushing river nearby, engulfed by darkness everywhere, except for the occasional glimmer of light here and there: the glow from tiny fireflies flying all around us.
‘Sparkle 2025’, the volunteer meetup of Fireflies, was a much-needed break for me – an escape from the chaos and hopelessness that I knew the future had in store for me. From the late night walks and railway station dumb charades to the heartfelt conversations and waterfall trekking, everything about Sparkle exceeded my expectations.
When I stepped into Kasaragod railway station on May 8th, at the beginning of the journey to Kodaikanal, I was honestly terrified. I had only been part of a few Fireflies events and most of the people I was travelling with that day had been volunteering for years. Mentally, I clammed up in my shell and stayed quiet – until VK, the entertainer, showed up with the idea of playing dumb charades. I used to be someone who would stay away from that game, simply because I feared I would embarrass myself and freeze up on my turn, leaving everyone confused about whatever I was trying to convey to them. However, for the first time, on that train ride, I thoroughly enjoyed playing it. Hours later, while we waited at Palakkad railway station for the train to Palani, I ran around happily, acting out and guessing movie names, even at 3 am. It might seem silly to a lot of people, but to me, it was the beginning of slowly letting people in and becoming more comfortable with myself.
I was initially hesitant about the location, since living in the middle of a forest, even if not very dense, was not something I was comfortable with. There would be blood-sucking leeches around, dogs might roam around the living spaces, and I was scared of almost all animals. Apart from that, the food was going to be fully organic and vegetarian, and I, being someone who hated most vegetables, saw that as a real challenge. However, in spite of all this, at Yahnaikaduh, I noticed myself conquering fears left, right, and centre. I found a great friend in a fellow Firefly, Harikrishnan, and I knew I didn’t need to worry about the leeches or dogs anymore as he would be there to protect me. Gradually, I even started feeling less scared when the dogs were around. I fell in love with the food, and I found absolute peace in the lack of phone connectivity and internet. I didn’t have to worry about being left out either, as Suhana and Kubra were always around, asking me if things were okay, if I was okay.
On the night of 10th, after the sessions and cultural events were all done, a sort of sadness came over me. The camp was ending the next day. We were supposed to go trekking the next morning, but I didn’t feel like sleeping at all. Kubra, despite being feverish, shared my worries, and we decided to roam around for a while. More people joined us soon, and slowly we got a camp fire started. Gautham, Zainu, Amna, and many others shared personal stories, and in spite of the cold of the night, I felt a sense of warmth enveloping me. I had not experienced a camp fire before, and that night, a dream came true.
The next morning was much more eventful. While everyone was supposed to leave for the trek together, some of us got separated from the group as we were waiting for a few others to join. Usually, in such circumstances, I would have been scared to continue, but that morning was different. I, along with Kubra, Prasiejechi, Hari, VK, Hrithik, Rahulettan, and Mani, forged new paths and tackled the dangerous trek together. Despite how steep the descent towards the waterfall was, I trusted the people with me, and together we celebrated once we reached the waterfall, where the others were waiting for us. If someone had told me a month ago that I would do something as scary as this one day, I wouldn’t have believed. I might even laugh it off. But on that day, I did it. My knees and back were in pain before the trek had even started, but with those very same hurting knees and back, I achieved something wonderful.
The last session of the camp was about appreciating our fellow fireflies. Four or five of us would sit blindfolded and the others had the chance to appreciate them for their words or actions, without them even knowing who were the ones whispering in their ears. When my turn came, I had thought that only two or three people would want to talk to me, but then as the voices kept changing, I couldn’t stop smiling. It felt so nice to know that people actually noticed me, and valued my existence. What followed immediately after this was the reflection session. Everyone shared their best moments and the things they loved about the camp. As soon as the session started, Tanya, who was not a Malayali, asked me to translate people’s words for her. I had formerly translated one such session for her voluntarily, and it made my heart soar to know that I was good at this. At one point, I had to even translate Tamil to English, and it brought me immense happiness to have been able to do so.
On the bus and train journeys back home, I did not sleep. I knew I would be getting back to the rush of career and academics soon enough, and I did not want to spend the last few minutes of this beautiful trip sleeping. I talked non-stop with Namana and Kubra, wore myself out playing dumb charades with Hari and VK, and enjoyed every last moment of the journey to the fullest.
‘Sparkle’ for me was a space to be a child again; a space to be free of stress and responsibilities; a space where I could be vulnerable, put down my worries for a while, and actually rest. It made me realise I was still worthy of love and respect, and that there was still much potential in me that I had not yet tapped into. It gave me people I couldn’t have found elsewhere and moments I wouldn’t have imagined I’d get to experience in the near future. Above all, it let me be my most authentic self, the most authentic Arsha I could ever be.
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